Reality and emotions

So as mentioned in a previous post~ about all these things that have been in the works....

I today find the need to vent my frustration facing how much negativity I receive from those around me.


Instead of saying anything positive or supportive...

I am told the reasons I will fail, I am told the reasons why its not worth my time, I am told that my life could be at risk...


Facing my own doubts.. I guess is the game at hand.

I pray for nothing but the best, but it always depends on others around me and how they choose to respond.


I've always been one of those people who had lots to say, but was always too afraid to do anything.

Its time to actually live by what I say... and stop expecting other people to do it for me.


So family, friends, say what you will..

I hope with all my heart that everything works out.

But life is more then just NOW. Now is the time we are supposed to be enjoying..


but for example : if the only thing people want to talk about at gatherings is how the world may potentially end due to the greed of a few.. I'm sorry but I have better things to do with my mind then think about that.

Especially if the game that's being played is so obvious.. but people keep falling for the distraction.


Why not spend my time thinking of solutions?

Or writing this blog and communicating my thoughts with more then just one person?
At least it'll be recorded and if need be able to be shared with others.


Its not the way things have to be. Its the way we have been told things have to be.

I am here with all those who feel the same way~ and say "Let's do this together and make all of our dreams come true."


Much love to all~ thank you for reading.

And to those of you who have inspired me with your love~ I am so grateful. ^__^ Thank you!

The concert ~

So I'm not quite sure when the idea came...

But I broke out of my internet social fear and msged most people I figured may have an interest in participating.




~

My province faces a huuuuuge problem.

Right now, we are being lobbied by Texas company to test our land for fracking....
But the real perpetrator is the local big company who thinks they own everything. (Unfortunately land wise they do "own" a lot of deeds.)

The truth is being covered up... and as most of us are working our butts off to support of family's...

Its become such a serious issue that its dividing friends....


Do we choose:
Money for now  Or Water that we need to survive?


Not to mention all the other issues popping up that are not being discussed. (From places that have already chosen to frack.)

http://commonsensecanadian.ca/fracking-tied-birth-defects-colorado-study/

....

Up here In Canada we have a huuuuuuge problem on our hands.

The idea that 1. most don't understand how the political system works...
2. People have such limited time why would they spend the extra worrying about scary stuff?
3. Politics has started a war on truth and science. (Our scientists have been silenced or layed off.)


Soooooo

basically Canadians haven't gone crazy... We've been taken over by a Jerk who's playing by some one elses Agenda. (I can't imagine what country could be pulling the strings... or anything @_@)



All of these issues are currently rippling out.

In the worlds eye: Canada is a super douche:


Pulling out of the Kyoto accord to do the Tar sands.
Not to mention all the other things that are going to hit us in the face.


So yes~ Concert!

Let's see how this goes. (I have a feeling the internet should be greatly involved, so I shall keep updates on the blog.)

Namaste 

The way we shared with the world-

Once upon a time ~ I  use to communicate without fear!

I'm not sure when the judgement jumped on me... But eventually I turned into an antisocial blob.
( I'm pretty sure its a side effect of accidentally saying things that hurt other people.. not knowing about their own personal walk in life....)

My closest friends can share story's of bad spelling and grammar ....  So when it comes to online communications my poor writing skills can definitely kick down my credibility in conversations.
(or blogging)

~One of my things is drawing.~

Recently I found a way to reconnect to this portion of my adolescence.


Miiverse!

Stress? Draw it away!

Like when  I still can't get through to the EI call center regarding my maternity leave benefits... The call volumes is always "higher then expected" and disconnects my call... (Ive been trying to reach them since I opened my claim.... 4 monthes ago..)



Its also where I drew that comic from my previous post.


~ Nintendo has saved me much frustration by showing me how amazing it is to physically draw to communicate with other Nintendo fans.


Its amazing!!!!



~ Sooooo to celebrate this awesome, I have shoved aside my fear of conversation... and started networking with the individuals on miiverse. (because you are not supposed to identify yourself and how to find you in the real world so its very freeing.)

I have been doing the inverse~ connecting with friends and hoping they will join in.

My best memory's come from scribbling/role playing /creating with  my friends.



But even more fun~ as a mother its a place I can scribble with my kids without needing to waste a million peices of paper. (I have a history of eventually hording away stacks of my scribbled on paper... so this is nice!)




Thank you Nintendo~ and Miiverse for giving me one more step into overcoming my social anxiety.

To remember that there are millions of amazing people, who are just as shy as we are, or fans of the things that we love really takes the edge off.

It lets people be people~ and is a wonderful window to the world.

The amazingly fantastical callcenter adventure -- Mental health -Lets talk about it!

Welcome to cosmic soup.

Here's some back story to go with this one:

My husband and I are currently on shared maternity/paternity leave.
My weeks are almost out for my claim and I wanted to borrow some of my husbands to be able to stay home with our daughter for a little while longer.


But every time I call... Their call volume is unexpectedly too high and I get hung up on.
I haven't been able to speak to anyone since I started my claim.



Seeing as my employer needs to know about when I'm going back.... I try to call to touch base to let them know I'm still trying to get through to the EI call center.


I call: ~ **Automated msg: We're sorry~ This number is not in service. Please check the number and try your call again.~**


.... so I try other numbers..

My friends, family... Same thing!




So wanting to know what's up I call my phone company.




me:~ "Yea hi my phone isn't letting me dial out I was just wondering why."

agent: Oh yes, it appears you have been disconnected for non payment ... today.


me: But I just made a 100$ payment not that long ago.. I didn't receive any notice of this.



 I told them I could make a payment tomorrow and said I did not feel safe without having an active phone line.

But I was told that nothing could be done unless I could make the payment tonight...

This really hit a nerve.

My woman powers chimed in: 

Cast:(~ bringing up the PAST ~)

<~*flashback sequence*~>

4 month's ago we had moved to this new house. ~ and they had messed up the move order...




I was a few weeks away from giving birth to my daughter and really needed the phone hooked up in case of emergency. My husband works overnight out of town and I don't drive.

but they told me there was no way they could hook up my phone and were sorry for the inconvenience of having to wait a few weeks for a tech.
( I didn't currently have time for my prepaid cellphone either.)





*</flashback>*


Then I apologized to the agent for being one of those calls...
I worked their jobs ... I know what its like...

it sucks

Then asked "for a supervisor...

I was then placed on hold....and waited ...and waited... and waited...


To be hung up on...in the end....




But this time instead of getting angry~ I choose to get creative.



So it just so happens Bell is doing a fundraiser!!!


You want to talk about mental heath? 




Sure! I'll share my story~ whats yours?

House of broken dreams

So update!~

Our landlords have been having some issues making their payments, and lost the house.

So now we are living in renters limbo....


I've noticed a lot of people are in the same situation who are quiet about it.
So this is a heads up that there are many people suffering in silence who have lost much during these stressful times.
~

I have this issue where injustice pokes me...



I feel like there has to be something we can do to prevent the games these financial institutions are playing with the dreams of young individuals.

The dream to have a house their children can grow up in... then Bam~ Lost your job?

Goodbye everything!~

Its not fair...


Not to mention the fact these places charge overdrawn fee's and are also the ones that handle insurance.

They own everything, while others are losing everything.


All for money.


Then the house is auctioned... to some one else and the cycle of broken dreams continues.


~

This forces me to really have to socialize and communicate (or try to since I seem to be getting few answers).

I've been trying to communicate with all seeing as we are stuck between a renters contract and the bank now being the owners.

So we shall see what happens~ But I have high hopes for something wonderful ~



****

Let us return hope to the broken hearts.

How to become socially akward...

Growing up I was generally a very social individual.

Truthfully over the last 7 years, I took a dive within myself to figure out some of my deeper stances on life and philosophies.

I have come to learned there is always a cause to every action... and in this case:
~

I had achieved completely removing myself from the lives of people I cared about~ and slowly over time I began to forget how to socialize.

Another issue is that social language generally evolves over time making it difficult to jump back in. ~

I began to realize most things I could easily connect with people about in the past: movies, shows, I was no longer current on.

Somewhere since college I became lost in the daily routine of working to pay my bills.

Then ~ Upon becoming a mother, I nearly completely shut myself off from the outside world.... for almost 2 years.

The story:

My husband is the only one who has his licence (up until 2 years ago neither of us did.)
He was working overnights, so how things ended up working out while I was home on maternity leave~ He slept - I watched our son~

We both never stopped..




The positive that came out of all of this- Was closely observing the evolution of the mind.
Children, how they looked at the world and explored.
(It really helped me to learn how to communicate and teach my son before he was able to speak.)
The expirience was very cleansing.
I had the opertunity to observe the fractal of life and its infinite beauty.


He brought me back to who I was and truly am. ~
Singing music all the tie~ Sewing ~ creating ~ drawing.

But... now facing the outside world I feel as though I'm surrounded by a new block.

I recognize my inner world for what it is.
But to be myself~ I need to return to where I use to be socially....


So I dedicate this blog to documenting this adventure. 

I know there is an entire world of socially anxious people~
I dedicate this adventure to you.

May we know we are not alone when facing our fears, our problems or worries.

Namaste

Quest complete

So the last 2 days, I have been working on this new household system.

~(and bottled fairies)~

I Dub the project ~ the greatest MMO ~

But ill talk more about it on next post!~

Today's post is about :

Organization~ Something I've never had much practice with my entire life.

I've followed the system, and never strayed from it.
I always use to follow the rules.
Back in my youth you could have called me a 'Goody Goody."  (we need a new word for that... )

But organization is never something I've applied to my life.
So I guess so to speak I felt carried by the wave of life, and I learned to flow with it.

~ Problem is, this has given me much experience working on my creative skills. But~ I find things taking forever to complete.

My husband on the other hand is the complete opposite. He's learned to work with flow so well that he's crazy efficient.
Hes sort of a perfectionist.

But both of our worlds collide~

So over the years, we've found things that conflicted that we had to find a common solution for.

Before you live with some one else your use to your own routine. (your own universe)
But when we mix universes, we get the ultimate perception of infinity.
(Seeing how all things can be done infinite ways.)

We all have our routines from growing up~ Then~ We all create our own routine and know our own flow.
We can learn from each other.

Sadly for most of us our employer occupy the majority of our day.
So finding time for flow outside the will of our employer is very difficult.  (Yet not impossible)

Anyway, for the hubby and I ~ Forgetfulness is an issue. So ~ To solve this little problem : We've created this new system.

So far it lets me get what use to take me a month in like a couple of days.

Teamwork is freaking awesome.

Untill Next time!~